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Who would have guessed that I'd be enjoying the most incredible
sex of my life at the age of 72, with a man twenty years my junior? Believe me, it
was the last thing I expected.
By the time my husband died in 1995, after eleven years of marriage, my interest
in sex had waned to the point where I couldn't even imagine being enthusiastic about
"all that nonsense" again. It wasn't a problem, though, because Bob's sex
drive had also disappeared as a result of the emphysema that plagued him for the
last seven years of his life. But we had a great marriage and a loving relationship,
so I was perfectly willing to spend my remaining years in celibacy, even though there
were times, I must admit, when I really missed the passion and the romance.
Outside of my roles as housewife and Bob's traveling companion, most of my attention
during those years was focused on the interests that had always filled my life as
a professional astrologer, teacher, writer, hypnotherapist and minister. Among other
things, I conducted metaphysical workshops and led a weekly study group in Los Angeles
affiliated with the Institute of Noetic Sciences, founded by Edgar Mitchell, the
Apollo 14 astronaut, after his flight to the moon. Bob always encouraged me in these
endeavors, and I loved sharing the wisdom I'd gained through a lifetime of study.
When Bob's death shattered the idyllic scenario of my life, I set about picking up
the pieces and putting together a new picture for myself. I've always believed that
no matter how great the loss, it is always possible to re-create joy and fulfillment
in my life, and usually more than there was before. If it weren't for this belief,
I'd never have made it through the deaths of my first two children, my first two
husbands, and my only brother. Since it's impossible to stand still, I knew I had
to keep growing and expanding or I'd slowly wither and die. Thank God I still had
two fantastic children and loyal friends for moral support.
I had lots of choices in front of me after Bob died, and no idea where to start.
So I just trusted my instincts and gravitated to the activities I loved, knowing
that was the best path to creating a fulfilling new life. I started ballroom dancing
for the first time in over a decade. I tried to stay open to new ideas, so when my
best friend suggested a trip to Egypt, it sounded exactly like the kind of adventure
I was looking for. I'd always been intrigued by ancient mysteries, so I felt that
exploring a culture so foreign to my own might inspire me in re-creating my own life.
And it did.
I fell in love with Egypt and longed to bring back some of its magic into my new
life. I wanted surroundings that reflected the person I was now, rather than my past
marriage. So upon returning to Los Angeles, I began redecorating my home to resemble
an Egyptian palace. The conventional decor of my marriage was replaced by luxurious
ivory furniture and carpets against pale blue walls and billowing curtains, echoing
the spacious expanse of sand and sky.
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My new bedroom was the piece de resistance', an ultra feminine
art deco concoction of sheer pink panels swathed against a mauve background that
resembled a modern-day harem. My friends gasped in delight and teased me about whom
I intended to share my new love nest with. Several of them commented that the room
could easily intimidate a man who was not confident in his masculinity, as well as
his sexuality. But somehow I had the feeling that the words left unsaid were, "What
in the world are you thinking of, at your age? You're too old for sex!"
But I refused to become what the world thinks of as an "older woman." One
of my personal secrets for health and happiness is moderation in all things; eating,
drinking, exercise, work and yes, even sex. But perhaps more important, I surround
myself with love and fill my life with as much fun and joy as humanly possible. In
fact, when people ask me how I stay so young, I usually tell them it's because I'm
happy. It's amazing how well that works! I've also learned not to worry about things
I can't change. I take vitamins, but no medications. I've never been overweight and,
aside from a cold now and then, I'm exceptionally healthy. Ialso take pride in my
appearance and wear make-up and fashionable clothing. As a result of taking care
of myself inside and out, I don't look my age.
So I was far from ready for the old folks home. And even though
I'd been getting senior-citizen discounts for many years (and was often asked for
proof), I still believed that romance was possible. I wasn't aware of it at the time,
but, looking back, the way I redecorated my bedroom obviously represented my intention
to attract love and sex into my life again.
Actually, the man of my dreams was already in my life at that point, but I didn't
know it. His name is Jerry, and he'd joined my weekly Noetic Science group several
months earlier, but obviously I wasn't quite ready for him yet. After one of our
meetings, he handed me a Tantric newsletter containing an article he'd written. All
I knew about Tantra Yoga was that it involved using sexual energy in spiritual ways,
but the whole subject was really foreign to me. While reading the newsletter the
next day, I noticed an ad for a beginning Tantra workshop, and I knew I had to take
it.
When I told my friends about it, some were surprised and some were obviously horrified.
They couldn't imagine being so adventurous themselves, and I could tell that a few
had serious doubts about my sanity. I heard everything from, "Aren't you too
old for that?" to "You'll probably be the same age as their mothers!"
On one point my friends were right, of course. When I showed up at the workshop,
almost everyone in the room was young enough to be my child, and in some cases my
grandchild, but it didn't bother me for a minute. I was surprised to see Jerry there,
and he was even more surprised to see me. I must admit that I'd always felt attracted
to him, but since he was obviously much younger, I ignored the feeling. As I watched
him interact with women of his own age that weekend, I just admired him from across
the room.
It was the first time we'd been together outside my study group and, as it turned
out, that weekend was the beginning of a friendship that would eventually develop
into the love of both of our lives.
A few weeks after the Tantra workshop, I decided it was time to attract a new man
into my life, not a husband, mind you, just someone to love and have fun with. So
I made a list of my top priorities and meditated on them, while imagining the feelings
I would experience with this person. The list was short and sweet: someone who loved
to dance, who could travel with me, and who was a great lover.
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I discovered a long time ago that we ultimately become what we
believe. In other words, our beliefs determine what we create in our lives. Most
people believe that with age they will automatically lose their health, their strength,
their looks, their sex drive, their sex appeal, and their passion. And sure enough,
their beliefs are usually confirmed. As a culture, we tend to react to the idea of
older people having sex with everything from surprise to shock to disgust. This is
probably because our parents taught us from an early age that sex is dirty, so how
could they possibly be doing anything like that at their age! After all, when their
passions have cooled, why wouldn't they be able to control themselves.
But I'd always held beliefs that were unconventional, and in this case I decided
to create a different experience of aging; my own experience. I may not be interested
in the same things that fascinated me at thirty-five, but it's not because "I'm
too old." It's more like "been there, done that." I'm convinced that
one of the primary keys to staying young is learning new things.
About a month later, Jerry and I suddenly realized we were more than friends. We
were in love. And he was far more than I had asked for. Not only did he like to dance,
he was a writer who could travel whenever he pleased. And it didn't take long to
discover he was also the most amazing lover I'd ever had. On top of that, he was
highly intelligent, sensitive, generous, creative, and drawn to all the metaphysical
subjects that fascinated me. I shudder to think what I would have missed if I'd listened
to all those voices warning me about the workshop, insinuating that I was too old
for sex or that our age difference would never work.
Now I'm enjoying the most romantic relationship I've ever known,
with a tall, handsome, sensitive man who possesses a boundless imagination and makes
me feel like a goddess. He also feels right at home in my bedroom! We aren't married,
nor we do we live together, but Jerry bought a townhouse five minutes away and usually
spends four or five nights a week at my condo. This way we have our own homes, our
privacy when we want it, and our own space to write and create, which works out perfectly
for us. It also keeps the romance alive.
But the truly remarkable part of our relationship is our sex life, which is on a
whole different level than anything I've ever experienced. From Jerry's Tantra training,
he's taught me how to prolong sensual pleasure so that the journey becomes even more
important and memorable than the destination. I've learned that the five senses;
taste, touch, smell, sight and hearing, hold an unlimited cornucopia of physical,
mental and emotional delights. And we use them all: flowers and incense; dancing
in flowing veils, jeweled collars and head dresses; exquisite caresses with fur,
feathers, and velvet; the sounds of a waterfall or the ocean on a moonlit night;
the stirring rhythms of African drums and Middle Eastern music; the natural sounds
of our own pleasure and verbal expressions of love. I've learned to create emotional
intimacy through eye contact, and to give and receive the magical energy of love
between our bodies.
In the past three years, I've had a lot of experiences which
aren't unusual in themselves, but some might consider them pretty far out at my age:
attending Tantra Yoga workshops; snorkeling nude with eight people in the Caribbean;
belly dancing with a seven-foot python; parasailing in Catalina; enjoying swing and
salsa dancing; attending rock concerts; making love on the beach in Cancun, in a
swinging bed, in the hammock on my patio by moonlight, and in bubble baths by candlelight.
Talk about romantic!
What a difference from my earlier sex life! Looking back, I can see my own progress,
beginning with an incredibly advanced mother who told me sex was beautiful . . .
but only when you were married. So I was a virgin when I married at nineteen, as
most of us were back then. And sex was a brand-new adventure that I couldn't wait
to explore. But it seemed to be only about reaching orgasm. I didn't have a clue
about how to create intimacy or establish a strong emotional bond between myself
and a partner. I just allowed my physical body to take over and eventually climax.
Now, don't get me wrong; I've had plenty of great sex in my life, but more recently
I've discovered that it offers amazing physical, mental and emotional benefits that
most people aren't aware of.
For example, sex keeps me younger. As long as my sexual fires are burning, I feel
as vital as I did in my prime. Actually, sex is the original Fountain of Youth. I've
also found that being adored by a loving partner is as life-enhancing as a magic
elixir . . . and makes age totally irrelevant.
Sex makes me physically healthier. In fact, it literally regenerates my body. Not
only does my skin stay smoother and my body more relaxed, but I'll bet that when
they lay me to rest, I'll still have all my sex organs intact. You know what they
say, "Use it or lose it." Science has proven that infants who aren't touched
usually don't survive, and that older people wither and die faster without the life-preserving
energy of physical contact.
In addition to giving me a more youthful and healthy body, sex boosts my self-esteem
and emotional well-being. My partner's expressions of love and admiration feel wonderful,
but my own loving feelings in response are the greatest nourishment of all. Perhaps
someday science will document how psychologically therapeutic a healthy sex life
can be.
Finally, sex not only regenerates me physically and emotionally, it renews me spiritually
as well. Since I consider sex to be sacred, I've found that making love elevates
my consciousness to a higher state, where I'm in touch with my spirit or soul. For
me, it's similar to a religious experience.
But the most important thing I've learned about sex at seventy-two, is that it's
never too late. And it even gets better with age!
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